We’re Expecting!  Kind of…..  so, I did not pee on a stick and look down to two happy pink lines, but…I did spend months working to prove to Douglas County that my husband and I are qualified to raise a child.  And this morning, in lieu of the word “pregnancy” popping up on those cool digital pregnancy sticks, we received a call. A call that will no doubt change our lives forever, we have been approved! Approved to adopt children. We have spent the last two years trying to get ovulation kits, IUI’s, IVF and now the county to work for us, in the form of building a bridge to the land of parenthood.   About six weeks ago, we decided to stop fighting the path of having our own biological children, and decided to bring a wonderful little bundle of joy into our world through our hearts, instead of through biology.   We are FINALLY going to be parents!

So, what does one do, once the home study is final, when you can finally get excited about just waiting for a baby, when you have to prepare for a baby financially, emotionally and physically, but also a baby that is coming to you in a different kind of way (which comes with its own mix of emotions and elements)?

1.     Start applying for grants for the very expensive adoption bills that are coming your way!  I say to do this first because the organizations that are doing the “granting” require many documents to be submitted with the very lengthy grant application.  Some of the documents that are required are  

            a. Church street address, phone number, e-mail and Web addresses (if you are going through a religious organization).
                b. IRS tax information for 2007 and 2006 (We ask to send copies of each year's W2s and tax returns).
                c. Net worth of investments (retirement, market securities, and real estate).
                d. Adoption agency’s street address and telephone number.
                e. Adoption worker’s business phone and e-mail address.
                f. Your home study

You can also find a list of “granting” organizations at: www.angelfire.com

2.      Start talking to other families that have adopted to ease some of the emotions and fears surging through your brain and your heart.  For my husband and I, this has been mostly focused on bonding, from our perspective and our child’s perspective.  I have found that adoption remains close to an adoptive family’s heart, regardless of how long ago the adoption took place, or how busy their life is now due to a full family!  Most people have been happy to share, and have done so very genuinely. I have asked very honest questions that have to do with how a new adoptive parent bonds with their new bundle of joy, how it differs from bonding with biological children (if that was the case for that family), fears, mistakes, successes and emotions.   What I have found, is that all adoptive parents, as well as parents of biological children say the same thing, “regardless of how a child is brought to our home, that child is a stranger to us, it takes time to bond” or “don’t think you are not bonding instantly with your child because you are adopting, bonding instantly is not always true, it takes time” and “ I forget that our child is adopted, it’s so weird when people ask me about it sometimes”.   For someone worried about “missing out” because of not being pregnant, or not bonding with a child, these honest talks have eased a lot of my worries, and also, made me feel more normal, a little less crazy, apparently, all moms-to-be have many stressful days!

Also – start talking to parents to start preparing yourself for being a parent.  Regardless of how you become a parent, there is A LOT to prepare for when it comes to a new child being in your home!

3. Set up a meeting with a pediatrician.  This is so you have someone to call if you have medical questions about a child that you may be matched with and also so that your pediatrician can be present at the hospital when the baby is born to do an exam.  Another exciting thing about contacting a pediatrician is that if you are matched with a birth mother, at least a few months before the baby is born, the pediatrician can help you with hormones to induce milk, and allow for you to breastfeed your baby!

4. Start celebrating! You are finally “pregnant”!  After months and most likely years of trying to conceive, the ups and the downs, the hopeful moments, and the devastating days, you are finally waiting on a baby to arrive in your home! A baby that was created just for YOU, a baby that will be coming to YOUR home, and in YOUR arms!  Let your friends plan a baby shower, start registering, gather ideas for a nursery, read up on books to help you prepare for your new arrival (I am picking up, “What To Expect the First Year”, today!), buy a few gender neutral baby items, start wearing a shirt that says “I Might Not Be Showing, But I Am Glowing”, celebrate with your spouse, and get lots of sleep, because soon, a new little miracle will be in your home, and sleep will not be an option!